Rules for the Road

I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on the state of my life. When I was younger, I had all of these idealistic visions of how my life would turn out. I had more goals than I would ever have the time or energy to achieve. To be honest, my approach was scattershot, a random spraying of colors across a blank canvas.

Over the years I’ve tried to rein in my restless enthusiasm. I’ve whittled down my goals to things that were truly important. I cast aside those that were obviously outside the realm of realistic possibility. That has helped some, but long-held habits die hard, and just when I think I’ve herded all of the cats into the pen, a few stragglers break away from the crowd and dart into another room.

A few years ago, I boiled down my life-long goals to four. These four things are the most important things to me. I even have these four goals typed onto a small strip of paper and taped to the bottom of my computer monitor in my home office. That way I am reminded of them every day, and I’m forced to reckon with them when I lose my focus. Despite my best efforts, it’s still not enough. I do things that don’t serve the purpose of those goals. I waste time. I get distracted. I lose momentum.

I think about this when I’m on my runs and when I have any other time to think uninterrupted.  I look for ways to mitigate my tendency toward entropy when it comes to my goals. I chastise myself for being unruly and undisciplined. I’m disappointed that I fail to stay focused.

Not all is lost. I just need some guardrails to keep me on the path toward my goals like those bumpers little kids use at the bowling alley to keep the ball in play so that they don’t get discouraged with the difficulty of bowling. Sometimes, adults needs bumpers, or in my case, I need rules of the road to keep me focused.

I will not waste time doing things I don’t want or need to do. This will be the hardest rule to follow. Life itself invites so many of these things into my daily routine. Some things I will have to do regardless because they are just a fact of life like laundry, commuting, or chasing a pointless rabbit at work, but everything else will meet critical scrutiny and be put into one of two buckets: (1) I want/need to do it or (2) Bullshit.

I will either be brutally honest or silent. I spend too much time thinking about how others will respond to me and catering my message to that end. I play out scenarios in my head that distract me for hours on end. The truth is I matter to very few people. I need to focus only on those people and let the others go about their merry lives. Rather than wasting time on crafting messages, I will instead be brutally honest or silent. Silence doesn’t mean acquiescence; it just means I don’t want to spend time defending my position. I tell my kids to pick their battles and only fight the ones that matter. I need to take my own advice.

I will turn myself off more often. This one sounds counter-intuitive, but constantly being on and focused on the task at hand wears me down. It dulls my senses, hampers my creativity. My work often bleeds into my weekends. Our household schedule frequently whips up a storm of activity like a cavalry stomping out of town in hot pursuit of the bad guy. My workweeks pulsate like a tender bruise after a fight. It all culminates in a boiling pot that threatens to spill over into the hiss of the fire. I need to step back more frequently, and when I’m on, I’ll be better for it.

I think I will type up these rules on a small strip of paper and put them on my computer monitor because I guarantee that I will need a reminder at least once a day that some things are worth it and some things are not. I need that clarity.

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